That Doesn't Count!

As the world becomes smaller and smaller; as airplanes zip us across the globe's dizzying distances; as we keep track of our countries like golf scores or savings account balances; as we compare and contrast our life's maps with others; as places all become more similar and international airports in Africa and China and the Caribbean all use the same floor cleaning fluid and/or German architecture firm, it all reopens the question of where we've actually 'been.' In the very male contest of "I've been to more countries than you" I'm presented with countless variable standards of what counts (spent a night there, got your passport stamped, set foot in the country, ate a meal) and what doesn't count (passed through the airport, saw it from the sky, had a nice dream about it, went there as an incognizant child). Until country counting becomes an Olympic event, I assume the rules and regulations are up for negotiation.

Personally, I reject the whole concept of contest. Counting countries carries very little meaning as it only represents the one-dimensional physical relationship between person and place. I know people who've traveled to over a hundred countries but confuse Guinea, Conakry and French Guyana. Their modus operandi is the travel equivalent of sleeping around--playing passport Cassanova whilst never finding true love.

Wow, listen to me preach and pontificate! Ah, but I know I'm right on this one. I see some fundamental problems with country-counting:

First off is that most of the real country counters are outrageously wealthy men (always men) who turn travel into an unhealthy compulsion of going further, longer, and more remote, thereby reverting the concept of adventure and voyage to its Victorian concentration camp from which we liberated it long ago with the invention of budget airlines. For such, travel becomes a lifelong shopping trip and they win because they can always shop more. Plagiarizing the Sermon on the Mount, "They Have Their Reward."

Secondly, how exactly does one begin to count countries when they are such a man-made construct? Apparently, there are 757 "places" in the world (countries, territories, itty bitty islands, etc.), while the "official authority" on the subject, the (ahem) Travelers' Century Club counts 319 countries with the explanation that "THIS LIST IS RECOGNIZED BY THE WORLD AS THE STANDARD OF COUNTRIES AND DESTINATIONS THAT ARE POLITICALLY, ETHNOLOGICALLY OR GEOGRAPHICALLY DIFFERENT." Oh, really? I didn't see Brooklyn's Flatbush or the 20th Arrondissement of Paris on that list. And by that definition one might say that you can only count countries that don't have the same chain restaurants as your home nation. Borders also pose a tricky counting issue and all kinds of irregularities. My Facebook "Where I've Been" application claims I've covered some 30% of the globe. And yet had I never been to Moscow or St. Petersburg (two cities that you could easily squeeze into Belgium) then the number drops significantly.

Thirdly, what counts as "being in a country"? Consensus is that airtime and airports don't count, and I get it, but still. Last week I flew to and from Asia on Korean Air. All together I spent some 41 hours on a Korean airplane, with about 80% Korean passengers, eating Bibim Bap for breakfast and lunch, watching Korean subtitled-movies, and tracking my journey on the SkyMap in Hangul. I watched from the window as we passed the never-ending gray mountains and rocky Korean coastline. I circled over the city of Seoul for 15 minutes and watched Koreans commuting to work on long bridges. I spent 4 hours in Seoul's Incheon airport and watched Korea outside the gigantic windows. Have I been to Korea? My passport says no, but from now on, whenever I hear the word "Korea", I have a fairly rich well of memory from which to draw (for the record, the very same Travelers' Century Club DOES count airport stops as having been in a place).

My response to all of this is to focus on memories. Don't tell me how many places you've been. Tell me what it was like; what you remember. Every place holds meaning, and some of the worlds most well-traveled people miss that meaning again and again. Even national tourist boards often miss out on the meaning of the very destination they are trying to sell to others.

Ok, I think I'm done preaching, but watch out. I could talk about this forever. Lucky for you, I need to go pack for my next trip.